i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
stop calling my apartment porn island.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
