I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
