And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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