I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
