he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
The Olympian is in my bed
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
