We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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