as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
