I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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