i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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