Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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