my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
did i just pee glitter
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
