Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
