At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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