Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
