And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
