I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
