please come you make the beer taste better
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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