I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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