I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
