It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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