i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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