it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Randomize
