PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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