Jerry, you need to find god
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
they're like a gay fantastic four
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
