apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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