I accidentally burped into my bong.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
