the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
