I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
