Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize