mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
