I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
