I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
