stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
