Whats the glycemic index on semen?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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