I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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