Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
