Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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