Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
