i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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