Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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