I'm lost and stupid without you.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
