WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize