Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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