i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize