Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
