So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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