I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
