Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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