Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just want to make out with him forever
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
