This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I cut my penus on the lid.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
