Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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