I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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