Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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