i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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