just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize