I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
what day is it and did you see me today?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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