i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I need mimosas to revive my soul
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
