I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
