Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you traded sex for a burrito?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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