yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
