1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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