You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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