I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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