I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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