we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
