We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
