so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
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