Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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