Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
