I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Randomize
