so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
