we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
