my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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