Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
